Sunday, December 02, 2007

I'm Back

It has been a week since I got back from 7 weeks in China; I am only just stating to get back into the swing of things. "How was China?" I am still not sure how to answer this, and perhaps best I leave it alone. It certainly wasn't what I thought it would be like and has me wondering about how the world may change in the next 10 years. There were times I was feeling down and one of the the best ways for me to feel good is to go for a run. There is no better feeling than a good run ...

Oh ...

Perhaps there is!

One cold day, I had some spare time so thought a sauna would be a good way to warm up. I ventured down to level 4, the Sauna Palace, and checked in for my $3 sauna. I was guided into the locker room of the mens-only area. The place looked like this picture below except empty: marble pillars, several spa pools bubbling away, sauna, and a steam room. All something you'd see in a James Bond movie.

In the locker room, I was attended to by a man dressed like a waiter. He opened my locker and I guessed, figuring that being men only, I would strip naked. Carefully checking as I de-robed that I was not meant to leave any thing on, but it seemed to be the done thing and I was handed a towel. Then I was directed towards the sauna and was left to sit and sweat.

After I was done sweating it out, I emerged from the sauna with towel around my waist. I scanned the room for a plunge pool and was beckoned over to a massage table in the open area to the side, where a sign on the wall listed the cost of a cleaning rub and salt scrub, for about $4 each. A man in a polo shirt and long white pants pointed to the sign and I nodded. I dropped the towel and lay face down. The man, whom I later named Tony, took off his shirt where I noticed a cup mark, so figured he knew what he was doing.

Unlike many people I met, Tony was somewhat more rotund. He wrapped a small towel around his hand like a boxer tapes up before putting on his gloves. Tony vigorously rubbed the dead skin away from my arms, back, legs. It felt good ... perhaps too good at times. To temper my enjoyment and avoid embarrassment, I would open my eyes to see Tony sweating away and remind me that this was no sexy massage at all.

Then came the salt scrub. I was lotioned head to foot and then told to roll over. I think the attendants in the room pointed at my tattoo and found it amusing ...

What else could they be pointing and laughing at?

Ok, so here I am, lying absolutely naked on my back with a sweaty Tony about to run the salt scrub on my front. He worked on my chest and arms as I began to wonder how much rubbing was I about to get? I was getting a little nervous, when the action was working down around my waist but a quick leap down to my ankles had Tony way from the danger zone. Until ...

Tony spread my knees and rubbed inside my thighs as I shut my eyes lying face up like a lab frog. And then "Swish!!!!" In one fluid movement, Tony cupped his hand, scooped up my tackle, and swished through the undercarriage as I drew a deep breath. And that was it, I leaped off the table and dived into the steam room to contemplate what had just happened.


Anonymous IHateToast said...




9:00 pm  
Blogger 21stCenturyMom said...

I think you got a cheap and fantastic massage with only minor boundry issues. Go Tony!

4:23 am  
Blogger Tesso said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha .....

stopping for a quick breather .....


8:34 am  
Blogger Coach Tammy said...


Reminds me of that episode of friends, "That's NOT how they measure pants?"


1:22 pm  
Blogger Ewen said...

A better feeling... I don't know, is there?

Undercarriage details in subsequent posts are not required.

7:10 pm  
Blogger Scott said...

"And then "Swish!!!!" In one fluid movement, Tony cupped his hand, scooped up my tackle, and swished through the undercarriage as I drew a deep breath."

That's a great paragraph Toasty! Assuming that everything is where it should be with regards to your "tackle" then there is no need to be embarrassed in fact I'd consider that my first "sub 3" if you know what I mean ;)

8:07 pm  
Blogger E-Speed said...

I definitely don't think Tony should have been touching your "carriage" creepy!

10:32 pm  
Blogger Bolder said...

so much for when in Rome...

8:22 am  
Anonymous daveboy said...

That's one of the best all time lines I've ever heard.

...And then Swish!!!! In one fluid movement......."

I burst out laughing at my PC when I read it. Then another 5 work collegues gathered round and also fell about laughing when they read it

Welcome back

2:52 pm  
Blogger Ewen said...

Scott, you're good. "Sub 3" is a classic!

7:54 pm  
Blogger Runner Susan said...

ohhhhh myyyy. i can't stop laughing. didn't you have a towel or something to lay on your dingely dangely?

7:07 am  
Blogger Peterhorse said...

sub3 is not a fair count...don't you get to count the fore-rub?
i assume you are now writing to Tony regularly?
Just glad i wasn't in the spa at the time.
See you at training soon - forgive me if i giggle a bit or "go Tony" as we push hard in those 1k repeats :-)

12:50 pm  
Blogger Coach Tammy said...

Ok, you've had enough time to catch up with the little woman... Where are you?!?! Your fans await!

2:16 pm  
Blogger Rob said...

Welcome back Toasty. I have to say though that i will miss the Toastess with the mostest. She added a certain something to your blog.

I loved your story Toasty. It is amazing how we allow situations to alter our personal space. Tony has , no doubt, tackled many Sub 3's. I wonder if your's was particularly memorable for him.

8:03 pm  
Blogger the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

I think you were away from home just a leeetle too long there.

3:45 pm  

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